Tuesday, May 2, 2017

The 3rd Epistole of San Webb

The 3rd Epistole of San Webb to the people of Alpine
1 Oh ye fair ones, oh beautiful people, how could you have perverted the ways of the Lord? Oh wicked people, repent ye repent ye, and come unto Christ, or the Lord shall surely say: Destroy thou them! And chuck them in the pit of everlasting wo!
2 Wo Wo Wo!
3 And he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying,
4 Wo unto the poor in spirit: for theirs is not the kingdom of heaven.
5 Wo unto they that do not mourn: for they shall not be comforted.
6 Wo unto the unmeek: for they shall not inherit the earth, nay not even the land of Mexico.
7 Wo unto they which do not hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall not be filled. Nay, Nay, not even one taquito
8 Wo unto the unmerciful: for they shall not obtain mercy.
9 Wo unto the impure in heart: for they shall see the wicked one!
10 Wo unto the he that maketh corn doggery: for they shall not be called the children of God.
11 Wo unto they which are persecuted for unrighteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of the furnace and fiery pit.
12 Wo are ye!
13 And it came to pass that in the 13th month of the reign of San Webb over the people of Calvillo that there came a drought, not a drought of thirst for a tasty horchata, but a drought of baptisms.
14 And the heart of San Webb was sorely afflicted, and he cried all the night unto the Lord saying: Por quéééé?
15 But nevertheless the powerful Elder Baquiax who was about to finish his training, was sorely confused.
16 But the powerful Branch President said unto them: Fear not, I bring chicken and tortillas
17 Now behold the Lord forbids me that I right more, and my heart is sorely afflicted for your unrighteous sake.
18 Nevertheless I love and miss y'all
19 Elder Webb
 Chef Webb Strikes Again

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